My ABC's of Naruto and Itachi
by departed-ghost
Summary: This is me Makeing fun of Naruto and OTHER people. Starts with My ABC's of Naruto and well.... then other things start to happen. I hope you enjoy and PLEASE review! Later Days!
1. Chapter 1

**My ABC's of Naruto**

A. abusive crazy monkey fox demon boy

B. bad ass Itachi! (yay I lurve him)

C. Killing, yes it starts with a C, BUT I DON'T CARE, hahaha I did use a C in yer face

D. Death in the forest during testing or what ever

E. EVERYBODY KILLING during the forest testing thingy or what ever

F. finger pointing when nerves because SOMEBODY wont get the nerve to go ask Naruto if THEY like em!. (HINATA!)

G. good vs. evil.

H. having constipation when trying to be Sasuke because he's a fagot

I. ice-cream, why? Because I lurve it!

J. jacking off… HEY you ALL know what the boys are doing behind scenes!

K. hehehe yes, killing, the murder of the Uchiha clan.

L. Love between Orichimaru and Kabuto! (a story I am writing in progress!)

M. Making Sakura feel like a little sissy girl THAT SHE IS! And I mean OH MY GOD she cut her hair! Big FUCKING deal!

N. never never land. A.K.A. drugs. YOU ALL KNOW THAT THE PEOPLE MAKING THIS STORY ARE TOTALLY ON SOMPIN! Don't juged me damnit!

O. Orichmaru. Enough said

P. for prick which is what Sasuke is!

Q. questioning Kakashi's face!

R. reeking of stench YA YOU SASUKE!

S. Sauske. -cough- FAG -cough-

T. TenTen. .small voice. I like her hair…

U. UCHIAH CLAN!

V. Vindicated! Because of Itachi why? I'm not sure…

W. Weasel BECAUSE that's what Itachi name means in Japanese. AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH WEASELS!

X. … what begins with 'x' that is related to Naruto? O! Xanadu meaning. beautiful place: an idyllically beautiful place. I love Naruto's world.

Y. Yep… .nods head. yep…

Z. for Zach… that's my cousins name… HEY I couldn't think of any thing else alright!

**:PLAY:**

Naruto: HA Sasuke is a Fagot!

Sasuke: I'm not, just because a Fan girl of my brother hates me doesn't mean I'm Gay Naruto.

Naruto shakeing his head: I never even saw that sighs.

Sasuke: I'M NOT GAY DAMNIT!

Sakura: I don't think your gat Sasuke-chan.

Me .hits Sakura.: Shut up hoe of course he's gay!

Sakura: Who are you?

Me .God like voice. : I AM THE ALMIGHTY WRITER I CAN MAKE _ANYTHING_ HAPPEN!

Itachi pops out of no were.

Me: See I brought my love Itachi.

Itachi: I'm not your love!

Me: Your just in denial.

Itachi sighs : Yes dear.

Me: Good little Weasel back to your cage.

Itachi just stands there.

Naruto pointing : HAHAHA he's a weasel

Me: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH WEASALS!

Kakashi: What are you guys doing?

Me: Go away you stupid head.

Kakashi to Sasuke: Did she just call me a 'stupid head'?

Sasuke: ye-

Me: I did! And for the record I laughed when you got tortured by Itachi!

Kakashi blinks like and idiot

Sasuke: Shut up stupid girl!

Me: Itachi, kill your brother for me please.

Itachi kills Sasuke by blinking. I jump up and down like a freaky Japanese school girl.

Me: yay death of Sasuke!

Fan girls pop out of no where and maul my face off. Itachi tries to save me while Naruto like the simpleton he is, watches; and Kakashi and Sakura back off slowly.

Me yelling: that's it when I die your ass's are haunted!

Itachi dies with me for he is the sworn enemy of Sasuke and the freaky fan girls have been wanting to kill him for some time.

**Narator: Tune in next week when the girl who wrote the story and Itachi go to heaven… ..cough.. I meant hell.**

My ghost: GOD DAMNIT!


	2. Hell and other things ITACHI!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any thing… JUST Itachi…**

**Itachi No ya don't!**

**Me: But Itachi! I love you!**

**Itachi: GET AWAY FROM ME!**

**-Itachi pushing me away-**

**Itachi: GET OFF!**

**Me: _On_ with the show! **

**Me and my friend are bored so here we are… writing for NO FREAKING REASON! **

**Friend: There's a reason……. I just cant think of it right now.**

**Me: …yaaa any way…**

**Friend: GET ON WITH IT!**

**Me: but…**

**Crowd of English writers: GET ON WITH IT!**

**Old man in a wheel chair: Get On With It!**

**Me: oh fine.**

Narrator: Priveously on this…ummm… what is this?

Me: ummm I don't know!

Narrator: Well what should we call this?

Me: Well it's not really a play…

Narrator: ya

Me: …and it's not really a story…

Narrator: ya…

Me: …. I don't know what do you think.

Friend: I think you should just start the story!

Me: But we don't know what to call it!

Friend: JUST START THE STORY!

Me: okaaaaay!

Me: oh great were in hell. Ya know what Itachi I blame you!

Itachi: What how's this my fault?

Me: You're the psycho murder person, who decides to kill your whole entire family!

Itachi sighing: One _little_ mistake and I'm branded for life

Me: YOU KILLED YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!

Itachi: Ya so?

Me: …. You know what never mind there's no talking to you when your like this.

-poof of red pink clouldy stuff-

Itachi: What the fuck is that!

Me: Hinata what are YOU doing down here?

Hinata pointing her fingers: umm…umm… I was caught with some dirty pictures of Naruto.

Me: ewwww….

Itachi: I don't like were this is heading.

-Hinata finger pointing STILL!-

Itachi: Why do you do that?

Hinata: umm…umm…

Me with light bulb over head: ooooh……(dramatic pause) ewwwww! Hinata!

Itachi: What I don't understand

Me: Your so cute when your confused –patting his shoulder.-

Itachi: yaa- HEY!

-poof of orange and yellow smoke-

Itachi: NOW what!

Me: OH GOD NOT him!

Hinata: ohhhhh! –pointing fingers-

Naruto: I'VE COME HERE TO SAVE YOU!

-crickets-

Me: You're an idiot!

Itachi: Can kill him?

Hinata and Me: NO.

Itachi: but… what not!

Me: Because if there was no Naruto then there would be no Naruto show! And then there would be no you! BAKA!

Friend: Plus there's the code of Conduct to think of. Ya know ratings.

Naruto: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE!

Friend shrugging: I snuck in.

Itachi: YOU can't sneak in to hell

Friend: Why not?

Itachi: It's just NOT DONE!

Friend: It's not that difficult. You can get kicked out too.

Naruto: hooooow?

Friend: Ahhh… I don't know.

Me: yaa we haven't really figured that out yet

Friend: Ya, but it's do able.

Me: Ya our other friend got kicked out by selling ice.

Itachi: Where do you get ice in hell?

Friend: yaaa… we don't know that either.

Naruto: What do you know?

Friend: I know…that I'm going to go over there. –points to some REALLY hot devil boys-

Me: DAAAAAAAMN!

Itachi: HEY!

Me: Sorry, your cute it's just that … their HOT!

Friend: And they have horns.

Me: ya and they have horns

Itachi: you just said what she said.

-Friend and Me shrug-

Me: It's doubly important.

Friend: ya it's a big thing. –walks away-

Me calling after her: DAMN YOU!

-Friend waves goodbye in the MOST annoying fashion-

**Narrator- Tune in next time to see… what else happens. I gotta get a better job.**

-Down with the Sickness starts to play as the screen fades out-

Naruto: HEY THAT'S NOT MY THEME SONG!

Me: Like I care! -Screen goes black.-


	3. PMS

**Me- I will be introducing our stories from now on, because SOMEONE! Had to kill the first one we had!**

Itachi- like it's my fault! He SOOOO started it!

**Me- that's not the point!**

Itachi- what ever just start the story….

**Me- yes dear… flutters eyes dreamily**

Itachi shutters- I'm not your dear!

**Me- What ever you say my love.**

Itachi- JUST STOP IT!

**Me- ANY way on with the story!**

……

Me- ummm Itachi dear your ummm cucumber has left it's salad….

Itachi- what ARE you blabbing about now!

Me- Your Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

Itachi- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!

Satan pops out of now where- Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

Itachi- I don't get it…. -scratches head-

Friend- Your Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

Itachi- huh…?

Me blushing- Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

Satan- she means you've got a security breach at Los Pantalones

Itachi looks around hell- where's that at?

Friend- I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

Me sighs- Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis!

Itachi looks down blushes profusely turns around and does up his zipper- Sorry… HEY WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Me- I was TRYING to be discrete.

Satan- Yaaa well it didn't really work sense he couldn't figure it out and the rest of us could….

Me- So I noticed…

Itachi- Just shut up ALL OF YOU!

Naruto- Whats PMS?

crickets

Me- does this kid know ANYTHING?

Itachi- How'd we get from me yelling at everyone to THIS?

Me- Hell if I know….

Friend- It stands for premenstrual syndrome.

Me- I thought it stood for….never mind

Itachi- …. Any way….

Naruto- weeeell what is it?

Me- just shut up!

Itachi- heeey it's my job to yell at people to shut up!

Me- oh, sorry dear. Carry on…

Itachi- Thank you… SHUT UP NARUTO! JUST SHUT UP!

Naruto- well I just wanted to know!

Me- basically it's like when women, umm… feel like everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

Friend- or You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

Me- ya or The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Friend- or when the dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans…

Me- GOD I hate that!

Friend- or when you are suddenly counting down the days until menopause.

Naruto- I still don't get it…

Me- Your don't have to your not female

Itachi- Well… were not sure yet, were still waiting for the test results…

Me- What do you mean 'we' is there some other girl you haven't told me about?

Itachi- what…?

Me- OH! That's it! YOUV'E BEEN SNEAKING AROUND BEHIND MY BACK!

Itachi- no… I was just saying that-

Me- SHUT UP I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOUR LIES!

Itachi- But dear-

Me- DON'T YOU DARE 'dear' ME!

Itachi small voice- I love you…

Me- SHUT UP!

Naruto- does this mean your PMSing?

Friend- oh no you didn't…

Me my head turns around 360 degrees, knives pop out of now where as I begin to throw them randomly at Naruto.

Itachi- … whoa….

Friend- Yep, she's pissed.

Me- DEATH, DEATH, DEATH, DEATH!

Itachi- I can tell…

Friend wips our popcorn- hey want some?

-both begin to eat watching the show.

Naruto- I'm sorry!

Me- SORRY WONT CUT IT BITCH! BELIEVE IT!

- The little things by Good Charlotte start to play in the back ground as the screen goes blank. You can also hear Me killing Naruto.-

**Me- tune in next time to see Me being pissed at Itachi and some of my favorite retorts to men's pick up lines!**

**Later days!**


	4. Satan Narator

Itachi: …. I'm sorry…

Me: huh?

Itachi: What ever I did… I'm sorry.

Me with raised eye brows: what ever…

**New Narrator which is Satan: well how do you want me to read this?**

Me: I don't understand, you just read it.

**Satan narrator: WELL do you want me to read it all spooky like, or loud and booming, or-**

Me: Just read it!

**Satan narrator: okay! Many Months have passed since the author has written anything on fan fiction…. Night and day clouded together like- This doesn't make and sense!!**

Me: OH MY GOD JUST READ IT!

**Satan narrator-mumbling: fine just fine I get stuck with the werid bitchy girl and her freaky little friends…. And I'm even doing this for free…. See if I ever help again...**

Me: you know I'm standing right here…

**Satan narrator: …. It was a dark and stormy night. The winds of change brought whispers of war and hate. All that stood in-between truth and lies was-**

Naruto: Haven't I seen you some place before?

**Satan: why yes, I AM LUCIFER! KING OF THE UNDER REALM! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! **

Me: yo Satan! GET ON WITH THE FREAKING NARRATIOIN!

**Satan narrator: …. Pain and death… suffering and madness….. The End!**

Me: ….

Itachi: I liked it!

Me: YOUR OPINION DOESN'T COUNT!

Itachi: yes sorry I forgot…


End file.
